Note To Self.

 So, after spending the last year gathering stories, bits of wisdom, and cautionary tales from various women, it has really made me start to reflect on myself. I’ve been through the wringer, and also, quite obviously, I’ve lived to tell about it. What would I say to try and reassure my sixteen-year-old self? So many things that I feel as if my head could explode!

First of all, just hold on. Seriously, dig your feet in and hold on, because absolutely everything passes. All of those things that you absolutely believe are the end of the world? They are not. Trust me. In a few short years, you won’t be able to call those things to mind, even if someone offers you a million in cold hard cash and is standing there holding the briefcase. Thankfully, the passage of time seems to bring a healing sort of amnesia, so just hold on another minute. Let that minute turn into an hour, into a day, into next week. Everything will pass.

I have to caution you, though, because just as all of the bad things pass, the good things won’t last. Nothing is forever, and absolutely everything has an ending of some kind. We all lose each other eventually, and what that means is that you’ll need to learn to appreciate the good in the moment, as you’re experiencing it. The sooner you learn how to live in the moment, the better off you’ll be. I’m not saying to throw caution to the wind and be reckless! I’m saying that problems are always going to exist, so if you’re having a great evening, then enjoy it. If it has been a good day, then allow yourself to feel the joy and peace in that day.

Appreciate your friends and the people that really do love and accept you for exactly who you are, but please understand that many of those people will only make a brief appearance in your life’s journey. Friends come and go, as they are supposed to. Think of it this way: if we are supposed to keep growing and changing, then so is everyone else. Inevitably, people will grow apart, almost more often (it seems) than they grow together. And hear me when I say this: it’s not always a bad thing. You may not, at the moment, understand why a friendship is collapsing, but I promise a little further down the road, you’ll get it. Maybe your growth has caused you to need to go in a different direction, and that’s fine. People are put in our lives to help us learn about ourselves while valuing them as well. Sometimes what you learn is that they exhibit behaviors or habits that have no place in your world, and that knowledge is a gift.

Just as you’re going to lose friends, you’re also going to find and lose love. I don’t believe that “Mr. Right” exists. I think you receive the kind of treatment and love that you are tolerant of and open to accept at any given time. I wish that someone had told you earlier that you don’t need to settle for fear you’ll end up alone because you won’t. Here’s the thing: eventually, you’ll become so comfortable in your own skin that you’d rather be alone than with the wrong man. Being alone means living life on your terms and not having to consider or answer to another person. Being comfortable and happy by yourself means that you’re only going to want people in your life that make you feel better than solitude does. That real love though, it’ll come once you stop looking. Once you give up because you’re really content on your own, that’s when true love will appear and shake everything up for you.

If you think that you’re working hard enough, you’re not, so work harder. You’re not there yet (whatever that means), not even close. Stop wasting time thinking you’ve got forever to accomplish things. Very soon, you’re going to start to lose people and understand that tomorrow isn’t promised. Things happen in the blink of an eye, and they can change everything, so stop wasting time and hustle.

Gratitude. Learn it, embrace it, and preach it until it becomes natural and authentic. Be grateful for every single good thing that comes your way. I’m not talking about lip service, “thank you,” I mean focus on it. Complaining is easy, especially when everyone has problems, so don’t forget to give voice to the good things as well. I see it this way now: if you keep buying a kid toys and he seems to be taking them for granted, then you stop spoiling him. I think it’s the same way with life. If you keep taking your many blessings for granted, then there is no reason to expect them to keep flowing. See where I said “many blessings” back there? It’s because you do have them, every single day. You may not have all that you want, but you most certainly do have more than you need. Understand that.

Reel in the negativity. Don’t be that person that complains every minute of every day because that person ends up alone. Find the positives, because they always exist, even on your worst days.

This world is brutal and people can be ruthless, so try to be kind. You’ve got no reason not to be nice to a complete stranger, but you might just make their day. There will come a time when you’re at the end of your emotional rope and a random act of kindness will be the thing that restores your faith in the idea of getting up tomorrow. Choose to be that person and choose to potentially make that kind of impact on someone whose name you’ll never even know.

Stop falling back like a wallflower and start standing up for yourself. There is nothing wrong with you needing to find your own way in this crazy, complicated world. No one can or should even try to make you do that a certain way. It is okay to speak your mind and to stand up for who you are or how you feel. Nothing that you say is “wrong” when you are explaining yourself because no one else can possibly speak with certainty for you. Be who you truly are in this moment and I promise you that eventually, you’re going to find people that love and respect you for your authenticity.

All of those thoughts you have about it being wrong to judge people based on their skin color, religion, or who they sleep with: trust them. You’re already smart enough not to drink the family Kool-Aid and that’s a great thing. What hasn’t clicked yet for you is the fact that you’re already being judged just as harshly for trying to come into your own as a young adult. Wait until that finally sinks in! It’s not going to be pretty, but you’ll get through it and come out the other side not only stronger but completely accepting of who other people really are.

Learn to look for growth in every painful experience that you go through. It can’t all be for nothing, right? There must be a purpose for crying all of those tears! Once the tears finish and you heal a bit, you’re going to be able to look back on situations and see how they have changed you for the better. Half of what you learn about yourself will come from surviving hurt and moving past it, so the sooner you start to look at it that way, the better.

Choose to never stop learning. You can’t even imagine how technology will change to make learning that much easier. There’s going to come a time when you’ll laugh about having to go to the library to fight over the one copier to print pages from an encyclopedia to go with your handwritten history report! Keep reading everything you can. You’re going to miss the days when you had enough time to read three books in one week, so make a vow to yourself right now to keep reading.

If something matters to you on a deeper level, then speak up and get involved. March. Volunteer. Write something. You don’t know it yet, but your ability to connect with people by putting one word after another after another is your superpower. Bottom line: if you can help in a situation, then do so.

On some level, you already know how important music is, but you don’t fully get it yet. Keep hiding those cassettes in your bag, and keep hiding liner notes under the carpet under your bed so that you get a chance to read them a whole bunch of times. There’s a reason that you love music so much, and you’re going to eventually realize that being a music writer is in your blood. It’s who you are on every level, and that’s pretty damn cool, so don’t let anyone squash it. There’s going to come a day when endless music will fit in your pocket, shelves of vinyl records will line your office, and concerts will classify as “work.”

I’ll say it again: just hang on. You’ve got to stick around long enough to see that everything really is going to be okay.